im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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