now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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