it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
