I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
