Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
