I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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