Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
