Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
