Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
