Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen

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(847): View more from Illinois

Farmville is her only friend.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.

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(317): View more from Indiana

disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell

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(510): View more from California

no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.

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(360): View more from Washington

Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?

(903): View more from Texas

Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...

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(432): View more from Texas

I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave

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(616): View more from Michigan

Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.

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