theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
