Heybabeimwearingurpanties
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
