That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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