a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
