i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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