a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
