Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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