ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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