An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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