you traded sex for a burrito?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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