I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
