peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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