i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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