Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
His nipple licking is glorious
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