Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
