Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
