one two three fourrrrnication!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
