I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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