I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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