do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
