my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
