You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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