They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
