What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
