The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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