How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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