she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
