That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
