well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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