I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
