She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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