i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
