12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
