I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
