"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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