He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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