Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
