I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
