Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
