she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
