Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
