its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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